LLG's Guide to Good Manners.
Good Manners. I was taught so many excellent manners by my parents, both sets of grandparents and even most of my teachers growing up; common sense life manners, standard etiquette manners, and just straight old fashion don't be a stupid asshole to others' manners. I think they are all key to how you present yourself to others. Even though I am a grown woman I am still learning about new manners in becoming a better lady.
I thought this was an important topic to write about because somehow it's not practiced in today's world, not as much as it should be. I am going to share some of my own good manners lists.
You might disagree with my list, and that is ok; take it or leave it. I am not here to argue with you or judge you, and I am merely sharing this article to pay it forward. Some of you might not even know about specific suggestions, but the key it's never too early to be a little lady in training for your daughter, nieces, etc. It is never too late to learn new manners and etiquette as a young woman and, yes, even a grown woman.
To the men out there who are reading this, please look at this list. Being a true gentleman never goes out of style, no matter your age.
1. Saying common polite words are critical and straightforward.
Hello, how are you?
Please.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Excuse me, may I please have ..... ?
Excuse me or pardon me, please.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Bless You!
I am sorry I hurt you, and I genuinely apologize.
Good luck!
Congratulations!
Nice to meet you.
Take care. Goodbye.
-You get the gist.
2. If you borrow it, return it just as you found it.
If you break it, pay for it.
If you get it dirty, clean it.
If you make a mess, clean it up and also organize it accordingly.
3. Take Thumper's advice; "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all....." I agree, but if you have to give criticism, make sure it is constructive and to the person's face. Be KIND.
That leads me to the next one.
4. Don't gossip, especially trash-talking gossip about someone. I know 95% of the people out there do it, but be mindful. It's not attractive, hurts people's feelings, and you can use your time so much better than to discuss other people's lives that honestly don't affect your own.
I know this is especially difficult when someone has hurt you or wronged you in some way. Just because their behavior was shitty to you does not mean you have to stoop to their level and discuss it with others. Most of the time, unhappy people misbehave or mistreat others to stir up drama and attention, which is toxic and damaging. Rise above it all, let them go, do not discuss them, and eventually, other people will see their true nature with actions.
It will get to be a more effortless practice as you finally grow up and grow older. My only amendment to this rule is to warn your own family and friends when you have had bad experiences with someone, i.e., dates with a female/male who was a jerk and a past friend who wasn't a good friend.
5. NEVER break confidence, unless life-threatening.
Be someone to trust.
Just be a good person and a good friend, no matter if the person is a jerk.
6. Remember the golden rule to treat others as you want to be treated. Any and all family members, your boss(es), co-workers, colleagues, long-time friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, and signifigant other/spouses do not get a "Hall Pass" for treating others like shit. Period.
7. Respect other people's passion, interests, and hobbies: not everyone will have the same taste in film, fashion, (pop) culture, and ART as you do.
8. Knock on any closed doors, and don't ever enter until given permission—respect people's privacy.
9. Introduce yourself by name, speak clearly and slowly, and well enough for people to hear but not be noticed while making direct eye contact. Be sure to shake someone's hand with a good grip, nothing worse than horrible handshakes. Don't assume someone knows your name, even if you have met before.
10. Don't interrupt someone. Remember the famous quote by our newly elected FIRST FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT, Kamala Harris, I'M SPEAKING ? She handled those rude interruptions with grace and class. I admit I am the worst at this, but I do it because honestly, my memory is so bad I have to tell my loved ones something related to the conversation quickly before I forget it! Also, listen before you speak, especially if you know nothing about the subject.
11. When arguing, LISTEN to the other person, don't battle your side. Just ask questions. Never belittle, use bad names, shit on, verbally and physically abuse, and use past events against each other. Again, treat people like you wish to be treated.
12. Have character and integrity in all areas of your life, for yourself and others. Never promise something you can’t fullfill - i.e. keep your word. Don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t use others, don’t be a asshole, etc.
If you truly don't know the basics of what defines having good character and integrity, get help and fast.
My suggestion, GOOGLE it.
13. Don't lie and always TELL THE TRUTH.
A white lie is a lie. A small lie is a lie.
Lying is bad manners and just plain rude, hurtful, and very unattractive.
14. Phone manners. Don't talk on your cell phone loudly in public for the entire world to hear, especially in restaurants and theatres. If you must speak, excuse yourself and go outside to a private area and have your conversation quietly. We don't need to listen to your phone conversation.
Also, RETURN phone calls. If you have time to be on social media all day, you should return people's phone calls asap. It's incredibly insulting to the person you called you.
15. Remember when I said," it's never early to be a little lady in training"? As you grow up to a young woman, and then in her 20's, 30' s you can still look for role models for life advice and manners from this who can transcend generations. As a young woman, you can read the book LITTLE WOMEN by Louisa May Alcott. or, to save time, you can watch the film adaptation of this classic story of becoming a woman. There are five film versions you can choose from; my personal favorite is the 1994 version with Winona Ryder. These 4 “Little Women” will remind you of how a true lady behaves.
As you are getting older and out on your own out in the great big world, you can look to the HBO show, Sex, and The City. Good manners in dating, relationships, and friendships in today’s world can be shown by example in 6 seasons from these 4 FABULOUS ladies.
16. No matter what your status is in life, Ms. Miss. Mrs.
ALWAYS be the leading lady of your own life.
Meaning, just because you are a Mrs. and have a husband, don't ditch your entire identity, beliefs, goals, interests, and passions for his. True Queens can run her life (aka kingdom) either way, with or without her King.
17. A true lady always supports AND celebrates other women's achievements in life.
Yes, for both professional and personal achievements.
Remember ladies, not everyone gets engaged, married, and has 2.5 kids, and a dream house - so most professional achievements accomplishments to other women are like having a "baby."
Encourage the professional dreams and celebrate the professional achievements JUST as much and as BIG as the personal dreams, milestones, and celebrations.
If you can celebrate celebrities and strangers, you should automatically celebrate and support your friends, family and even acquaintances. If they can buy you an engagement, wedding, shower gift(s), you can support thier business. Remember that even if you feel a twing of jealously or sad you aren’t in the same place as them, that is ok, you are human. However, it may not be important to you, but it is to them. Just as your engagement, wedding and baby shower is important to you, their career goals, aspirations, acheivements and advancements are important to them.
I will continue this topic in a whole separate, much-needed article.
18. When you are out in the world, hold the door for others and when people do it for you - THANK them as they are holding the door for you. Please respect people's space; you don't need to be 2 inches from them when waiting in line at the bank or grocery store. Now more than ever, if 2020 taught us anything, we should always be 6 Feet apart from others, no matter where you are in public.
Be alert to others around you; not bashing into people while you are on your phone or not paying attention or running them down with your shopping cart. Be mindful of who gets the "right of way".
I agree that we should all have more patience with both children and older adults, but this doesn't mean you can have free reign to have rude manners. If your baby is screaming in a store, restaurant, or theatre, take your child OUTSIDE. Also, if you see someone - anyone - who needs assistance, take a minute to help someone. It means more than you know and often can even save someone from an accident or worse.
19. Having gratitude every day is SO attractive, and it's something that never goes out of style.
20. SMILE and do all things with LOVE.WHY? Because what you put out into the world comes back to you.
21. Have good table manners. Use the correct utensils with the correct food course. Chew with your mouth closed, and don't talk with your mouth full. Elbows off the table and put your napkin in your lap. Don't rush and don't eating like a pig.
On a date, true gentlemen pull the chair out for the lady and let her sit at the table first. He then asks what she would like to drink and eat, and if they prefer, he orders for her. A true man always pays on a date, even if the lady offers ( ladies, you should offer! ) to treat him or splits the bill. You don't have to spend a ton of money on treating someone to a lovely meal out - so MEN - please don't be cheap either; it's unattractive and a major turn-off.
Dress nicely and appropriately for every occasion - especially when going out to dinner and for an special event. It is a form of exceptional manners when dressing nicely.
22. Never arrive at someone's house empty-handed. It does NOT take a lot of effort and money to bring a homemade baked good, a nice bottle of wine, or a lovely arrangement of flowers. If you're invited to a party, celebration, or special event, you ALWAYS bring a gift.
23. Speaking of parties and celebrations - do not ever invite someone to attend something for you that you wouldn't show up for them. Meaning if you ask someone via invite to your housewarming party, engagement party, bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, birthday party, any tuype of work promotion celebrations - then when they have a special event, you return the courtesy. Yes, even if it's just a birthday party. I once had a book release party, and a friend that I invited (who BTW I had shown up for her a dozen time to celebrate ALL of her milestones) who said to me, "It's only a party to celebrate your newly published book; it's not like it's your baby shower."
So if I never get married and have a baby, I get no support in celebrating my professional accomplishments?
24. Show good sportsmanship in all areas of your life - not just when playing sports. Do your best individually, always be a team player, and don't play dirty. When you have lost, remain the right attitude, congratulate the winner(s), and show dignity and grace. When you have won, celebrate but act with humility, always tell your opposing team or teammate they did a great job and thank them. Be the role model you would like to see in the world. This conversation will be a whole other future article at some point as this one of the most important lessons I have experienced on both sides.
25. Respect, love and honor both your Mom and Dad and your grandparents.
They won't be alive forever.
26. Give credit - in all forms - when credit is due. In these days of everyone’s work being seen on social media, if you are going to repost and share to others someone’s work through photography, quotes, art, articles, designs, make-up, fashion, film, television, books, magazines, then CREDIT their work. It’s considered stealing if you don’t and honestly this is a courtesy that should be done. If you use someone’s idea and copying it and or using it, in anyway - please give them credit and thanks.
Also, if you have people helping you in your life, give credit where it’s due. Nothing more tacky than people boasting to the public how you have done so much solo when really you have people in the background helping you. Remember is takes a village to raise a child, so if you have help in your homelife - say so.
If you have a enormous “team of people” ( or even a small amount) behind the scenes at your job, your company and or in anyway professionally - remember these people and give credit when it’s due. You did not achieve your success all on your own. There is nothing wrong to have help in any area of your life as we all need help. Those showing the world ( especially on social medie) that they “HAVE IT ALL” are simply giving unrealistic expectations to those men and/or women who ARE TRULY doing it ALL, solo. It’s not a contest but always remember those who have helped, in any way - to get you where you are today. Not only will they feel appreciated when you give this credit publically and privately, but you will be a class act doing so.
27. Don't GHOST people. Sadly relationships and friendships don't always last. Yes, that's life, but at least part ways by communicating respectfully. For all you men out there, for the love of God - STOP. Just STOP doing this to women, stop behaving like an insecure boy and behave like a real MAN. Yes, I will be writing an article about this subject in the future too.
28. If you have received a gift of any kind for any reason or occasion, received a favor, treated out to a nice meal, anything that was a kind gesture for you; for the LOVE of GOD, write a thank you note. YES, write them and on lovely cards or stationary. EMAIL IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE. The same goes with having interviews; NEVER forget to send them a note in thanks for the opportunity and their time. Do not email them as a the thank you note. You should follow up via email thanking them for their time, but a hand written note can mean the difference of getting the job. I know it sounds crazy but trust me, it goes a long way. It takes a stamp and all of 5 minutes of your time to write to someone, and this speaks volumes.
29. Do not air certain things on social media. Fights between you and your significant other should stay between you both; it's called a private life for a reason. Conflicts and fallouts between your family and friends as it is between you and them - not the entire world. Do not drag other people into your drama too. All of this is just plain bad manners and very trashy.
30. Please stop asking women of all ages the following questions: (who you barely know) if they have a boyfreind, when are they getting engaged, when are they getting married, or tell them they have to hurry up and have a baby, or when are they having another baby? Or if they are divorced, when are they going to get married again.
Know why? It is NONE of your business and it is just plain rude to ask any of those questions. Yes, stop asking WHY they aren’t married or why they don’t have kids.
Stop telling women they will regret NOT having kids. Instead of asking personal questions, why not ask about professional achiviements, about their special freindships, latest adventures and or travels, and/or if they are HAPPY in their life.
Unless you have a long standing trusted friendship with someone who you can have this type of personal conversation with, it is simply not your place to ask ANY of these questions, not even family members. Stop projecting your own life onto others.
So I hope you learned something brand new by reading this article, LLG Guide to Good Manners!
More to come from LLG down the line on this subject of “Good Manners!”
Hopefully, it reminded you of more than just one, and maybe you were reminded of some you've already used before but need to start them up again! That's the thing about learning (any) new things and putting them to daily use, as it's never too late!
Remember that excellent manners never go out of style, and it truly speaks volumes with how you present yourself to the world. Now that it is a new year and we officially have a new administration, who shows by example exceptional grace, and how to behave as class acts. This is something we can all strive for, to become better in all areas of our lives and most importantly, with each other.
So godspeed and may you continue to become the best you, every day in every way!
