Celebrating Ladies' Personal Milestones vs. Professional Achievements

Like most all Sex and the City mega fans, including myself, are counting the days until December 9, 2021, to see the continuation of the iconic Carrie Bradshaw and her Manhattan life in the new HBO Max series ".....And Just Like That." 

As an actress, I have been a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker since her first TV Show, "Square Pegs," in 1982 and the 1984 film "Footloose." I even met the lovely SJP @ The Public Theatre Benefit Dinner in NYC in 1994, before anyone had ever heard of her iconic Manhattan character, Carrie Bradshaw. The meeting was FABULOUS (me saying this in my best Samantha Jones voice), and I am grateful for the incredible opportunity. However, I do genuinely regret not asking Sarah for a photo together. I was so excited and focused on talking to her, and I didn't think of it. 

This article is going to be a two-for-one discussion article, so please bear with me.

Since the announcement of this new series, it's been a frenzy on Instagram with people posting the best of the best SATC series scenes and scenes from both films, Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2. It has made me reflect again on the successful series and reflect on my most favorite episodes. I have two personal favorite episodes in the entire series that are still my favorite, and I associate them the most, then and today. 

One of them is from Season 6, Episode 9, that's called "A Woman's Right to Shoes." Carrie attends a baby shower thrown by her friends Kyra (played by the beautiful and talented Tatum O'Neil) and Chuck. Upon arriving, Carrie discovers that Kyra's house rules include the removal of all footwear, regardless of when doing so will destroy Carrie's carefully crafted head-to-toe outfit. The evening shows by example that Carrie showed up to support Kyra and her life choices. However, when Carrie plans to leave the party, she discovers that her brand new Manolo Blahnik dress shoes were stolen.

Later, Kyra offers to pay for the missing shoes but balks when she finds that they cost $485.00 (not including tax). Kyra unenthusiastically offers to pay only $200.00 of the $485.00 and says it's insane that Carrie spent that kind of money on shoes. Carrie reminds her she used to buy and wear them too, and she bewitchingly quips back,

"Yes - but before I had a "real-life" - with her now responsibilities of houseS and kidS.

"Carrie, we shouldn't have to pay for your extravagant lifestyle." 

I thought to myself, "Hello, are you kidding me?" Carrie is single, and she is there with a gift that she paid for supporting Kyra's lifestyle! Plus, Kyra has money (two incomes) to have an expensive second vacation home in Long Island, and this party was for her third kid! But she won't Carrie pay the total amount for the stolen shoes? Hypocritical much?

Carrie winds up leaving the apartment with no compensation and a sense of "shoe-induced shame," which, of course, Carrie then discusses all of this with Miranda on the phone. She briefly ponders if she has somehow made a mistake by choosing the lifestyle she did rather than the more traditional one selected by Kyra. 

Carrie then takes her thoughts and writes about this in her new column and then thinks back to when we were young, and we were "ALL FREE TO BE YOU AND ME"!

(Thank you, Marlo Thomas!)

Then she asks WHEN and WHY did we STOP celebrating everyone's life choices?

This episode aired in 2003, and indeed, the world has gotten further in accepting people's differences in some beautiful ways. However, sadly it continues today; celebrating female personal checklist milestones when finding a significant other and all that entails is more important than single female professional accomplishments and solo personal milestones.

I don't understand that when a single woman accomplishes something on their own, why it's not celebrated the way it should be and certainly not seen as an important milestone. If anything, single women should be getting the GIFTS because we are doing life solo. Hello, does anyone realize or remember how hard life is, especially when you do it ALL by yourself? In particular, financially. Or do people have amnesia when married when they turn into a "we" with their two incomes and joint checking accounts? 

Just as Carrie then vented to Charlotte about this Kyra shoe situation, she pointed out that single women in the past didn't EVER receive gifts about their life choices and celebrations after graduation. Hello, Carrie is right! I want my single registry, including the expensive flatware, to celebrate not having ever married the wrong man. Yes, I am single, and no, I have never been married. I consider myself single until I am officially engaged. So until then, I am on my own.

I know that falling in love, finding your (right) person to share your life with, getting engaged, married, and (maybe even) having a family are all extraordinary events and milestones, and yes, you should celebrate them!

Trust me; when I get engaged to the man of my dreams, I’ll be screaming to the entire city of LA, "I'M ENGAGED," just like Monica from Friends on her NYC apartment balcony. 

So yes, I, too, will be wanting to celebrate these special milestones. But I also have other milestones to celebrate ( past, present, and future) that I'm so proud of myself because I worked for those, so observing and celebrating them also because I feel those are special too.

So just as so many women are given Bridal and Baby Showers, etc., it's TIME to celebrate significant personal and professional solo achievements for women by having SINGLE WOMAN SHOWERS. Not every woman will get engaged, married, and have kids.  Even if they do, let's still celebrate you when you are single. How about a SINGLE SHOWER and gift registry ( just like the bridal registry) for the woman that bought her first house, SOLO? Or a celebration shower for a single woman who made a partner at her Law Firm? Or a single woman that got into Medical School or a never been married older woman who finally achieved her Master's Degree and has changed careers? 

Or have a BUSINESS SHOWER to support single women who are starting their businesses? The registry could be instead of a GIFT for her; you can purchase her merchandise and then pay it forward giving it to someone else who can also be a professional resource to help your friend with her business. 

My motto is that a true lady always celebrates and supports other women's professional (and solo personal) achievements in life. So, ladies, if you can support strangers' companies and purchase celebrities' products online, then you can help and should support all of your friends and family’s businesses. 

There are thousands of different accomplishments that (single) women achieve at all different ages in life that have nothing to do with having a wedding or a baby.

So let's celebrate ALL those accomplishments in a BIG way too.

I am certainly not the first professional writer to publicly discuss in articles and social media that single women need to be celebrated more for actual accomplishments they achieved ALL on their own. This conversation has been discussed between single women for years. I just decided to finally publicly share my agreed thoughts on it and even my own experiences of the lack of excitement and celebration of my solo accomplishments.

I have over the past 30+ years celebrated so many people with my money, energy, and time when they have had the following personal celebrations:

You get engaged - I bought an engagement party gift and a bridal shower gift; check and check.

You are getting married - I paid all on my own, the cost to travel and attend the event(s), and a wedding gift, check and check.

When you bought a new house with your husband, I bought a housewarming gift for that party, check.

When you had a baby (or had babies), I bought a baby shower gift(s) and your child's future birthday party gifts, check, check and check.

If I had all that money I spent celebrating everyone's past milestones returned to me today, I would have enough to pay for my future wedding! ( A little fun humor here, but still valid!)  Despite that, I'm happy to celebrate YOU and celebrate being included in your special events and celebrations, personal or professional. Just like Carrie said to Charlotte, "I'm glad to give you gifts to celebrate your life."

I am simply sharing the point of view that it's hurtful when it's not reciprocated. I don't think my friendships are like a transaction, but I just assumed the common courtesy of mutual support of showing up would occur.

For me, it has been deeply hurtful when some of these same women I've always supported with those "life list" special events have viewed "my professional achievements or even solo personal accomplishments" as unimportant and feel a celebration isn't needed. Here's a personal experience example I want to share. 

I self-published my first book and had two different book signing events in my hometown of Easton, Massachusetts. I was so excited when flying 3,000 miles back home to celebrate this dream come true!

The first book signing event was casual and was immediately  followed by a light coffee and treats reception for the public in the day. The second one was at night with a private nighttime catered reception with wine and food, celebrating this milestone with my family and my very close friends. Sadly the ones that I thought would come, some of them didn’t and I was happily surprised and grateful for the ones who did attend. I had a long-time friend invited to both, and she attended only the book signing during the day. She showed up very LATE, completely missed my Q&A and the personal signing of the books. She showed up just in the last 10 minutes to say hi, grab a book, and have coffee and donuts. While it was great to see her, it had been a long time, I was upset she didn't come for the entire event. I asked her why she wasn't coming to the special private event that evening. Her snide response was, 

"Well, it's not like this event is your bridal shower or a baby shower?" 

I was gutted and speechless. I didn't want to make a scene by getting upset and publicly reminding her, saying that I had had always supported her past personal life choices. It wasn’t worth ruining my event. But, did she have amnesia when I flew 3,000 miles for her rehearsal dinner and wedding? (which ended in divorce) Or all the money I spent getting her an engagement gift, wedding gift, and baby gift(s)? 

I thought at that moment that writing this book was like having a baby, so why can't I celebrate this accomplishment like I would if I was having a baby? I don't think other women realize how hurtful it is when they don't celebrate others' who work to achieve something independently. This situation made me appreciate - more than ever - those who did attend, were excited for me and proud of me.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you are proud of yourself.

Always celebrate your achievements and in a way that will make you happy.

So here's a simple life rule reminder: don't ever invite someone who you won't show up for, too. Regardless of the event, if you ask for support, you should give that same support back. If you can't, then don't invite them, period. 

So back to Carrie to wrap up this episode. She tries to smooth things over with Kyra, but it seems that the two won't be able to agree. Carrie then gets a brainstorm since she's always coming through for Kyra by celebrating her, spending a total of $2,300 on her life choices - yes, she did the math. So it's time for Carrie to turn the tables. Ms. Bradshaw registers herself at Manolo Blahnik to recognize her just-announced marriage to herself, empowering single women everywhere. The only thing on the registry, a single pair of the missing $485 shoes (plus tax), and Kyra finally comes around and replaces the missing Manolos. 

The episode's final scene is when Carrie receives a gift of her replaced brand new shoes opening them in her apartment, cut to her strutting proudly and solo down an NYC street, happy with the decisions she made for her life. 

You hear this voiceover of Carrie saying, 

"It was my very first wedding present.

The fact is, sometimes it's hard to walk in a single women's shoes.

So that's why we need really special ones now and then, to make the walk a little more fun."

Remember any milestones, achievements at any age that is important to you, just as those in my life are important to me. We should ALL be able to make a big deal about things that are important to us. We should ALL be able to celebrate something we have worked hard for and accomplished, not just the standard life checklist. Most importantly, no matter what extraordinary accomplishments or positive life choices we make, we should ALL show up, celebrate and support each other mutually. 

Let's stop "shoe-shaming" other women like Carrie Bradshaw experienced, not choosing the expected life checklist. Let's follow Marlow Thomas's song and celebrate each other for being FREE to BE YOU and ME.