Happy Birthday!

On January 23, 2019, it was my birthday! I actually had 2 full days of celebrating my life by doing all the things I love most. It was wonderful celebrating, the last day of one age and then celebrating the next day of a new age.

“It means so much to me, Like a birthday…..” Duran Duran

I have always been a huge fan of celebrating birthdays because of course, it is your special day where we are celebrating one's life. But the reality is that I am very blessed and rather lucky to be alive period – I was born prematurely, a "preemie" born 2 pounds 2 oz. and was also an identical twin. However, sadly after only living a day, my twin sister passed away. So for me, my birthday is a time to not only reflect on my life but to be grateful that I am even still here, alive to have a life.

I have found that with each year, just as January gets underway, this is when I actually start to get used to the age that I currently am. Ironically, within days, it is the time where I am turning another year older. Age may be a number, but I often feel that time certainly moves very quickly, especially more and more as you get older. So as I embrace each new year I take stock in what has happened in my life. I then strive the make each new year better than the last. For my own life journey, in some ways, I have done so many amazing things so far. Yet, in other ways, I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface of the huge list of dreams that I have for my life. I can't tell you how many people I have come across who for so many years has said to me, "Well, you better hurry up, time is running out. Or you are too old, that is NEVER going to happen!" What am I, a 90-year-old lady on her death bed? Hell even at that age I hope to still be achieving and learning new things before I pass away. I have to give a shout out to two women who inspire me to live a long, fulfilling life. First, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who at 85 years old is still kicking ass in so many extraordinary ways. Second, my paternal great grandmother, Phyllis Brockway - or as I called her Oma. She lived to 93 and I can only hope to live the exceptional life she did. She is definitely a role model of living a long and full life.

All of these comments about time - or lack there of - that people said to me, made me realize something important; that life is a marathon, not a sprint. I have also realized just because something hasn’t happened yet, doesn't mean that it won't ever happen. Yes, I’m a firm believer in going after what you want in life and shooting to make your dreams come true at a certain age and stage in your life. However, dreams do take time and some dreams take longer than others. Besides, what if I had gotten EVERYTHING I ever wanted out of life, all by the time I was 30 years old or even before then? What would be left for me to look forward to? Would I even have the perspective to reach for anything else if I had gotten it ALL?

Oprah said, "You can have it all, just not all at once." Maybe she's right, besides if I got everything too quickly or all at once, maybe I wouldn't appreciate it. What's the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young." And with that I now have appreciated experiences and situations as they have happened, even considering the loss I’ve have suffered.

It’s very easy to compare one’s life with others, trust me I have been there...seeing so many people have certain things happen to them way before me. Some things I have still haven't gotten and it has often made me feel like God had forgotten me. But then I have also realized, some of those people that are in a big hurry to "get it all" and are often ones who crash and burn by making massive mistakes, just to say they had it all on the life check list. There is something to be said for taking time on one's marathon of life, to see what is their best life for themselves. You know if you don't train properly over time with skill sets, then you can't even run the marathon, to begin with. The other perspective is yes, sometimes people are blessed enough to get everything they want and more by a certain age and it works out fantastic. The key is this, do your own preparation and training, run your own race, stay in your own lane and work hard to top yourself from the last race you finished. You should only be in competition with yourself to strive for improving your life in every way.

I know for most, including myself that with each new birthday I take a look back and see what the past year has taught me. I have realized how easy it can be to think about what didn't happen that you wanted or you didn't achieve a specific goal or dream the past year. The one thing I can appreciate is that blessing that comes with getting older. How I am even more grateful for all that I do have and already have experienced, instead of dwelling on what I don't have. I’m even more grateful for my past struggles because it makes me appreciate each year of acquiring new strength, a new wisdom with a broader and wiser life perspective. Is this always easy to do? No, but using a positive mental muscle has made it much easier to achieve this over many years of work.

I also think one's age is irrelevant. It is just a number and it is up to you to choose how you look at your age and your life as chapters of your own book. As I discussed the details about this article to my Art Director, Edinah sent me this quote for inspiration.

"Ask me how many sunsets I've seen.

Hearts I've loved.

Trips I've taken.

Concerts I've been too.

That's how old I am."

~ Joelle

( you can find her on Twitter: @The_Sculptress)

I couldn't agree more with these beautiful thoughts. Makes me appreciate all the extraordinary things that has happened in my life. I know some people who are quite old in age and are well into there 70's and 80's and haven't done all or even any of the things they secretly wanted too. What a waste of years to live on this earth and not make it all you wish for and more. The truth is, they also still have time to make things happen. As long as your willing and still breathing - you can make something happen, no matter how old you are.

I know someone who was a recent college graduate at 23 years old and she said to me, "I don't think I am ever going to get married and have kids, it just isn't in the cards for me. If I haven't met him by now, I won't ever." I thought how incredibly sad to have this negative thought and perspective. Especially since she had her whole life ahead of her and thousands of people she had yet to meet. Everyone meets there spouse or significant other at all different ages, so to think if she didn't have the whole life checklist dine by her mid-twenties, she is selling herself short. Who knows when, where and how one meets there life mate. You have to not compare yourself to other's and take a look at your own journey. Especially keep in mind of your own experiences and the actual work one has done on themselves. I think when one has truly done the real, hard work - inside and out and has a true perspective on oneself and about the important things in life - that is usually you find your true match. Some even find a soulmate.

Now that I have aged ( hopefully gracefully!) and considered middle age if I live well into my 90’s, I do have the great gift of my own life perspective and some of the things I have learned. Even as the years have gone by, I have always known in my heart and more than ever as each year passes, of what I want out of my own life. I especially know what I don't want either and this is just as important. I know all of the career goals I would love to (continuing) to achieve, the specific healthy lifestyle I would like to live with having only supportive, positive loving and happy people in it. I hope to have more amazing life experiences I would love to learn from to grow. I know the type of amazing lifelong mate, committed marriage and loving family I would love to have. Including having exceptional travels all over the world I would love for us to see, taste and experience together. I know how I would love to meet of the different types of people on these adventures.

I know that even though I still have so much more to learn and grow in my life, I am excited for it all to come in it’s own time. MY time. I have often confided in some friends a few of these specific dreams I want for me and more often than not, the response I have heard is: "Well you'll never get that or that will never happen. You are aiming too high or you are too old for that to ever happen. You should just settle for what you have or for whatever you can get." I can't even tell you how deeply hurtful it is for someone to say this and they think I don't deserve to have all that life can offer and what would make me happy and fulfilled. I realized they were projecting there own doubts and fears of there own (unhappy) life onto me. They didn't believe they deserved to have what they secretly wanted, so why should I get it? Shame on them.

Since birthdays are all about celebrating and having a yummy delicious cake -

here's MY #1 life metaphor and motto -

"Why settle for crumbs, when you can have the whole cake?"

Seriously. Why should I settle? Why should you? Why eat tiny leftover crumbs to leave you starving when life can bring you the whole dam ( birthday) cake to eat. When it fill you up with delicious fulfillment through dreams coming true, endless love, amazing adventure and more. Would you tell your child or children that they can only have one tiny slice of there own birthday cake? Or would you say to them that when they grow up they aren't going to get what they wish for on their own birthday cake candles? Wouldn't you be sad if you had to just settle for some awful birthday cake flavor that you really didn't want to eat?

Life is short. Eat the cake you love. Take a slice and eat it one at a time to appreciate it's richness and flavors. But be sure to eat the whole dam delicious cake. Just some food for thought, pun intended.

Now that I have had a bit of time to marinate the past few weeks in turning a new age, I wanted to share a few important life perspectives with you.

Life gets better. No life is not always easy but it is easier to deal with things as you age. Life also gets richer with each new experience.

As you grow out of your 20's and 30's, you will stop sweating the stupid small stuff and realize what is truly important in life:

Great Family. Quality Friends. True Love. Excellent Health. Fulfilling Career.

These are the things that you should be spending your precious time on.

When you have a true sense of identity and a sense of worth of one's self, you truly don't care what other's think of you. If it is a negative comment, you will be in a place that you will just let it and them go. If it a positive compliment, you will truly appreciate it and be able to accept it and appreciate it fully, especially with age.

You are never too old to go after a new dream, it is never too late. I have said this before in my past articles that when the road of life gets hard or you get stuck, just - keep - going. When certain people have wronged you or if you know something or someone is just not meant for you: forgive and -

LET IT GO.

Aging and growing older is a true privilege because there are those that never lived a long life in terms of years. So remember it is about the full life you live in the amount of years that you’ve been given.

Things will and do get better, just give it time. Time will be your friend with trauma, heartbreak and grief. Feel it and work through it. You will get better and you will learn and grow with each new day, new week, new month and new year. So don't be so hard on yourself if you aren't yet where you want to be. If you really want to make something happen, know that you can achieve it. Just give yourself time, to do one thing at a time, one day at a time.

Life gets better with time, just like fine wine.

Life is certainly much better enjoying fine wine and eating amazing cake, especially when it has all of the best ingredients. So cheers to that, and may we all drink great wine together with those we love. May we eat our favorite cake in celebration, and make a wish on it for our unlimited future. I toast all of you on your own birthday’s this year - that we will all live our lives fully, in everyway possible. Remember every day is a new day for something wonderful to happen. So treat each day alive as a true celebration, just like your birthday.